Shower drama

     I hope no one who knows me IRL reads this blog.  This is such a long story that I probably wont be able to explain the whole thing completely and I will seem like a brat. So I assumed (first mistake) my mom would take the baby shower on with excitement and with the assistance of my SIL would throw me a shower. Somehow (I figured out a lot but not this) my second cousins are planning and holding my shower. Supposedly the mother called my mom and offered to throw my shower and my mother accepted. Now I have never been married so my mother has never has the fun of throwing any showers for her only daughter.  She seems excited for the baby. She has gone shopping with me at numerous stores and consignments. She helped with the curtains and etc in the nursery. Anyway back to the shower. My mother handed off my shower and supposedly knows nothing about the planning. She never asked my SIL anything. I with my mother and her sisters/mother, we planned her bridal shower and baby shower.
     So I have made comments to my mom over the last few months about a shower and she just played  dumb. She did ask for 75 of the registry cards when she came with my SIL, niece, and myself to register at BRU.  She asked me for my friends addresses in January. So I assumed she was planning a shower with my SIL (another mistake was assuming).
     I am due April 13th and as of two weeks ago nothing was moving on the registry. I was getting weird  questions from people asking if I was having a shower. I started stressing to one friend. I am a planner and need to be organized, ready, and etc.  So about a week and a half ago and two weeks before the date of the shower, I received an invite to one of my second cousins surprise party's.  When I mentioned it to my mom, I got two weird responses. First, she said that she was surprised how far apart that cousin and my youngest brother were age. Then when she was opening her mail, she looked at the invite and stuck it back in the envelope without a word. Later I would wonder if it was because the real invite was there too!
     So I figured out on the date the invite arrived by asking a very good friend some leading questions. This was the friend who already knew how concerned I was about time frame. I was shocked when I realized that my shower was being thrown by theses particular cousins. Now mind you, I love these cousins and appreciate their generosity but all that I kept thinking was about how my mom just let my shower go to someone else. Her only daughters only shower. Then I thought oh no what about my SIL did my mom even let her have any involvement?  Was I over reacting? Was I just hormonal?
It gets worse.  My mom truly knew very little about the planning. Now my mom and dad still both work full time and they aren't rich but they aren't struggling either. So she just let others take my shower and didn't know anything.  She didn't know the menu when someone asked what they could bring. She didn't know where the invites were when it was two weeks away.
     And the thing that really had me pissed off! She took friends off the list like 12 friends because she found out that they were going to do a little surprise shower during a game night that we do once a month. Really, these are people I see everyday. I asked many of them for their addresses myself.  They are a big support system for me.  I had the hardest time making that list for her and then she took very important people off the list.  I have no clue what she is thinking and at this point I need to let it go until after the shower.
     There is so much more to add. She did not include my SIL in any planning and I don't feel she considered my niece who is her own grand daughter.  My dads side of the family doesn't even know those who are hosting because they are second cousins on my moms side.  We don't do regular family events like holidays and birthdays with them.  Maybe I am too much of a control free but I wouldn't let someone who volunteers take over my daughters shower!
     I fear that I am only going to be more and more disappointed in my mother after I have my own child. I am sure things she has promised me, she will forget and not do.  She has made comments about babysitting for certain events and now I am wondering if I can really count on her!

Valentine update

On Thursday, I went to the perinatal doctor and ob. The only benefit I have found so far for having gestational diabetes is I scored an awesome u/s. The baby is measuring 4 pounds 4 ounces.  I got to see him.  He had his fist up near his face so the pictures are not the best but it was still pretty awesome. Also, the doctor is happy with my glucose numbers and just wants me to continue with the diet. Hopefully if it continues, I will be able to test only twice a day. I definitely hope the diet keeps working because I don't want to have to go in twice a weak to wear a fetal monitor for twenty to forty  minutes.  I have to go back in 5 weeks to the perinatal.  The ob appoint was the normal...urine sample, blood pressure, heart rate, how are you. I go back in two weeks. I am 32 weeks today.

I spent Thursday night with 8 single friends. It was a fun time of food and drinks. Of course I was pounding the water while they were enjoying the beer and wine! We had many laughs and it was a great way to spend an overrated holiday!

My dad gave me a very nice card. The best was the personal message that he wrote! I cried. It was about how proud he was of me and how he is always there to support me and the baby!

This and that

A few things to share....
I meet with the nutritionist on Tuesday. I have to monitor my glucose two hours after I eat a meal which ends up being four times a day but I had to add snacks to make me eat every three hours. I have rules have how much vegetable, fruit, bread, milk, meat, and fat that I need at each meal and snack.  It hasn't been that bad besides spending an hour and extra money at the super market on Wednesday night to make sure I had things that work for the meals....nuts, sugar free pudding, yogurt, sliced turkey, whole grain cereal, snack bars, fruit.... And every night I plan and pack each snack and lunch for work.  I now take a huge back to work with me.

Another note, I am really emotional. I find the stress from work causing crying but today I picked my dog at from the groomer and had a sobbing event in the car.  The groomer said that the poodle cut on his feet is really hard because he moves the whole time.  See I like his feet trimmed so it reduces the wet, muddy feet that come in from outside. She has been grooming his feet like that for the last few years. Last time I heard about how my parents dog is so easy to do her feet but mine doesn't like it. This time another groomer chimed in about how he doesn't like it and I stated back to my groomer that I wanted it because it reduces mud and wet coming inside. My groomer said that other groomers had to stop their dogs to help hold my dog and she will have to charge me more. I said not to worry that I would find another groomer and walked out with my dog. My dog who normally needs to be coaxed to jump into the car, hopped right in. The groomer came out and stressed how she didn't want to lose me as a client and I got in the car sobbing. Needless to say my dog has been laying next to me all day.  What did they do to him? Why is this suddenly an issue last time and this time? Would this have caused me to sob if I wasn't pregnant?

Lastly, I am starting to feel very lonely the last few weeks. Prior to being pregnant and even prior to the new year, my weekends were busy with events, hanging out with friends and family, and two seasonal jobs (Halloween & Christmas).  Now I feel like my Saturday nights have been lonely.  But I am not attempting to plan anything because I think I could be tired.  So then I find out something one of my friends do and I feel hurt because I wasn't invited. For example, friends went to a bar restaurant last Saturday night for dinner and no one called me.  Would I have gone?

I think it is all hormonal.

Gestational diabetes

I took the three hour glucose test last Friday.  I had an O B appt on Tuesday and received the results. I failed. I failed at the one hour and two hour marks. I actually handled the information very well. I contained my crying until I was alone in the car. After a few minute cry, I decided that I had to do what I had to do and it is only for approximately 11 weeks. So I have my appt with the nutriti0nist on Tuesday this week coming.  I have already been watching and changing my diet. I think I have a bit of depression. Nothing taste good, I keep craving sugar (I am not giving in to these cravings), its no fun to go to the supermarket or out to eat.  Not sure if it is just the GD or if work has a lot to do with it.  It's work probably more. I actually said I hate my job on Friday and cried.

I am very frustrated. I can't get my job done.  More things keep getting added to my plate and I am overwhelmed. I leave later this year than any year prior.. I don't feel like I can manage my time anymore. Part of it is paperwork changes, one kid who takes hours of my time with his outbursts, doing two job roles as one person, not being able to say no ( I am a helper, I am a school counselor).  There are just to many pieces to the puzzle.  It is pretty bad when I lay awake on a Friday night/sat morning from 3 am to 5am because of work.  Ugh. I actually can't stand my district ....they just keep putting more on everyone.  It's sad that this week is nati0nal school coun$eling week and I usually hang posters, make treats for the staff, put stuff in mailboxes, and do fun activities with the students; however I have no motivation to do anything now.  Is it hormones and I can't handle the stress like normal or is it really as bad as I think it is???

Oh we'll I guess I will see how Monday goes! 10 days till pres weekend (1 day off). 34 days till spring break and I go on leave right after that!

Another positive, things are moving a head on the nursery!

Failed!

I failed my one hour gluc0se test. I received word on Tuesday night. I cried, I researched, and then I reached out to some friends that had GD.  I am devestated and can't really discuss it without crying. I scheduled the three hour already! I am doing it Friday. It pisses me off that'd have to use a sick day for it.  So did you fast for your one hour test? I did not and was told I didn't have to....now I am kicking myself.  I need more time to process this. I don't think my eating habits are that bad.  I scored a 139 and 130 is when they refer you to the three hour. Ugh I needed to get this out but I am getting upset just thinking about it. I slept horrible last night....too much glucose thoughts.  Will I pass the three hour? Will I be changing my habits for the next twelve weeks or more?

Many emotions

I am feeling many different emotions today. I had my glucose test this am and during that I got teary. I was just thinking about how I wanted to hold my baby and not be waiting in a lab. Then I realize that the lab did rho- gram on me and I had already spoken with my doctor a few weeks ago and we decided there was no need. I am negative and so is the donor. Well the nurse practioner filled at the glucose paperwork and marked of rho-gram on the labs which I didn't catch. So after leaving the lab, I strolled downstairs and went to my ob office. I told the receptionist the story and she had me wait. The message I received through the receptionist from the nurse practitioner was that she would contact the lab to make sure I wasn't charged. I surprisingly remained calm, said thank you and left. I was proud of myself because I feel like I am moody, grumpy, and cranky since the beginning of the third trimester. I can't get comfortable. I can't sleep long periods. And I am not sure I like these kicks, punches, or whatever....sometimes they don't feel good!

After I left the hospital, i picked up lunch and ran a few errands as I made my way about a little less then an hour from home to visit a friend who just had a baby.  The baby M was beautiful and little miss personality. It was great to catch up.  But my friend mentioned some things about her labor or what she didn't do and I felt anxious later.  1. She didn't take a birthing class. I wasn't planning on it either.  I don't feel the need to nor do I want to. I have been doing a little reading and watching online.  2. She had her mom, her dad, and the baby's dad in the room with her. Awkward! I definitely don't want to traumatized my dad that way! I just planned on it being my mom and maybe my sil if she is available.  3. She lives with her parents and she mentioned how it was nice to have them their after if needed.  I am very independent and as long as I am physically capable, I just pictured it me and baby after....now I am stressing about it.  This is when the old.....sucks to be single mentality comes back.   But really how helpful are the dads afterwards.

I feel like this third trimester has messed with my hormones. I am definitely more emotional and anxious.  I don't know if I can stand twelve more weeks of the anxious emo thoughts.

27 weeks and so tired!

I am feeling so tired this week! I am getting sleep at night; however it is with interruptions (bathroom, discomfort, sinus stuff).  I just feel so tired. It is 6:30 on Sunday night and I could sleep right now but I know that will lead to me being wide awake in the middle of the night plus it could throw off my whole day tomorrow!

I spent the weekend shopping. I went to the local consignment stores I like looking for more maternity but it felt like neither had nothing new since before the holidays. My regular sweats and yoga pants are starting to not fit as are my regular long sleeve t's, so I feel like I need some clothes to survive the next three months. It is quite depressing seeing two dressers, a huge closet, and totes full of clothes that I can't wear right now especially work clothes!  It is all worth it in the long run. Any how I did find leggings at se.ars and long sleeve t's at ko:hls today that were on clearance.  I am a bargain shopper and never really buy anything at full price.

5 days of work and then a three day weekend!  I will be cleaning and preparing for a game night at my house the following weekend.